Friday, 31 May 2013

Earth to earth...

It is really weird, what a fight shows us about... things.
Anything, really. During fighting, and making up, we start noticing things. 
Little things. 
Yesterday was a way to weird night for me to handle.
I wasn't even close to being drunk but still, it's like I forgot most of what happened. 
I often forget things very quickly when they have been unpleasant for me. I forget when teachers tell me I did bad in class, I already forgot that I wrote exams because they went bad 8D I forgot most about my primary school time, usually the parts spend with my family. I could tell you exactly what my best friend at that time told me on some day back then, but not a thing my father has said to me during primary school at all, except for some, 4-5 minor happy memories. 
So saying I forgot most of it basically means it sucked. Bad.
It was all just weird and messed up and ugh. 
Yesterday, I was asked to smile. 
I did. 
And the question was repeated, with another connotation to it.
I was asked to smile an honest smile. He asked a couple of times if I remember correctly. 
I wasn't particularly sad at that very moment, but tbqh it was the first time anyone asked me to smile. Like, really smile. 
Also, I got to know a friend of my bestie's new bf, and according to her, he thinks I'm cute. I wish that would help me get over someone else but no, my heart is still constantly against everything. Well, anyways, weird enough for me, I decided to tell him something about me during all that fighting, about my parents divorce which had a huge impact on my personal mental developement and... well actually I expected some kind of reaction that showed understanding, but it didn't. whelp. think i'm cute or not, chances are I don't give a fuck.
I need to make a decision in the near future. I think I know what Imma do in the end. 
I think I've gotten a different view on some things, all thanks to the funeral I went to last week. I wasn't mature enough to even think about that the last time, but this time was different. I don't think I can put it in words, really. If I did, you wouldn't understand it. 
Just wait until you're sitting in the church with someone dead in front of you, sobbing and sniffing of the relatives all around. It changes things. It changed me, and I think it changes everyone. At least a bit. But I can't say if it's a positive or a negative change.

Earth to earth, Ashes to Ashes, Dust to dust.

Wednesday, 29 May 2013

日本デイ || Japanday! (*^▽^*)

Finally again it's the end of may, so it was time for the Japanday in Düsseldorf once again!

I wasn't too excited really. I can't get myself motivated to do anything lately, may it be going to School, Düsseldorf, Concerts or Clubs, it's just like I don't want to. There are humans everywhere! (╯︵╰,) I really don't know what's wrong recently, ugh. Everything is too exhausting, even waking up. Let me just sleep forever and ever~

But STILL, I promised my bestie that I'll go there with her, so I did!
We thought it wouldn't be worth to spend the whole day in Düsseldorf this year, I mean, we know the drill. Arrive at DD central station, walk the street with the japanese shops, walk to the Rhine, maybe look at the stalls there (but only look, usually. Far to crowded to even attempt getting closer, and too expensive to even consider buying anything). Finally, after walking along the rhine a bit, chilling on my same old blanket on the lawn! (It's the fourth year I've been taking this blanket there with me already^^)

But, since it started getting cloudy just as we arrived at about 5pm, we skipped most of these steps. We tried getting plushies- I really want a Nemu Neko, even if it's only a small one, like, I've seen super duper small ones, maybe 10cm? Not much bigger anyways^^) And Jasmin tried to get one for her bf. But as I already mentioned - too crowded, too expensive.
We met with friends of Jasmin later on, and walked along the Rhine again, searching for food actually, but since it was getting a bit late and Jasmin didn't feel too well, she left along with her friends. I wanted to stay though, I just HAVE to stay till the Firework!

So, since I knew Kai was somewhere there I went to search him, and found him and Anissa and spend the rest of the evening sitting on their blanket, pretty much not moving an inch. As it got later it also got colder, and I was very very very glad I thought of bringing my blanket to cuddle into it, and also THIS wonderful invention:

I didn't know they were called space blankets in english omfg SPACE blanket now i feel like an ASTRONAUT! xD

You wouldn't belive what a huge impact this thin thing has, but It's really getting SO WARM under it! ♥
Thanks to mommy's boyfriend who's a voluntary firefighter and gives these to me ♥ Wonderful, wonderful things!

 And If you didn't think it was horrrible with the weather as it was, it started raining. RAIN.
I love rain when I'm cuddling with blankets and pillows on my sofa reading a good book, but not when I'm out in the cold, not even wearing proper pants! O:
Luckily, Kai's umbrella was big enough to shelter us 3 from the rain, and my little one next to me did it's best to keep my camera safe and sound and dry. (Didn't work too well... You can see water drops on every picture!)
Still, I was excited for the Hanabi, as always.

Japanese Fireworks >

So, here are my few good shots :3

I will upload more firework pictures to my later! :)

Thursday, 16 May 2013

Going nowhere

"Can you tell from the look in our eyes? We're going nowhere!
We live our lives like we're ready to die! We're going nowhere!"

Oh. My. God.
I have no clue what is going on at the moment, I feel like I'm going to go insane.
Not as in crazy and funny insane but as in really bad and mental insane...

Today we had p.e., and we were learning some technique for badminton, and I kept missing the ball (which does happen all the time, but I really failed hard today...)
So, any person would be a bit angry but they'd still be laughing about it, right?
Well I didn't laugh.

I went into super mad rage mode.
I have NEVER been this angry because of anything.
In whatever situation I am, I usually feel sad and depressed, never angry.

So as a result of my rage I threw my badminton bad through the hall, bending the metal frame of it, marching to the dressing rooms, seeing a beautiful cute butterfly - and trying to murder it. I tried hitting it first with the bat, then I ended up kicking the walls trying to get it. Luckily I was pulled away and one of the other girls took the butterfly outside.

When asked by my classmates why the fuck I would kill this butterfly my reply was:
"I'll kill anything I want to when I want to. ANYTHING."

Looking back at it I am actually a bit scared of myself.
That should not happen too often, really...

After everything that happened recently,
though really, it was only small things happening,
I am completely losing that bit of connection I had to the real world.
I'm absorbed in walking dead, spn, skins,
weird kawaii things on tumblr and whatnot,
And I couldn't care less.
I'm becoming more and more of a sociopath with every second.
If there wasn't that thing called "Leaving the house" for groceries, school, work someday.
I don't want it all.
My oh my...

Saturday, 4 May 2013

A lesson never learned.

"Could be the end of the world - 
I'd still be laid here on my own 
wasting my life away"

I am pissed. 
As in really, horribly pissed.
I'm not gonna name anyone. Maybe that person can guess who it is. Maybe that person can't. idgaf. I just know that I'm really not in a good mood. 
But dear God if that person dares to talk to me again I will switch in rage mode. 
And you have no clue what Laura-Rage-Mode is like at all. 

Well, anyways - 
FOR THE LOVE OF BABY KITTENS; Like my facebook page?! ;)
The babies keep on growing & now started to venture away from their mother, it's adorable ♥ And then there's still Nayla walking around being totally fascinated by the kittens! 

Oh by the way, did you notice i have a new header? FINALLY! Something more summer-like! 
I wanna have a nice orchid background as well!
Thank god my mother has tons of orchids all around ^^

Wednesday, 1 May 2013

Tanz in den Mai? Pfft! Ich blogge mich in den Mai!

Though I'm not sure about what I should blog... °o°
but it's been a while so yea XD
So celebrate the beginning of may with me!
In my room!
In front of my computer!
Like every year!

2 weeks ago on Sunday, Lou and I met in Bochum, close to the cinema, just walking around taking photos, when we found this... interesting lake. The water was literally BLUE. The picture up there has in no way been edited, I just used a filter on my camera which made the actual color more visible. It was really this blue. Oh Chemistry, oh chemistry. I wonder how these geese actually survived there. Maybe they were mutated. They were creepy and I think they would've attacked me if I didn't run away quickly after this picture was taken xD ALSO YOU CAN SEE THE SWAN!

That thing swam straight to us! It was only about 2 meters away from me! AND IT WAS HUGE!

"The largest species [...] can reach lenght of over 1.5 meters and weigh over 15 kg. Their wingspans can be almost 3 m." (wikipedia)

And really. THAT. THING. WAS. HUGE.
I'm sure it was about 1 meter long? AND IT WAS SO CLOSE.
If only swans weren't agressive, but apparently they are, so I kept my distance.

It was really pretty though~


I also finished the book I was reading, and I found some remarkable quotes I really loved :)

"And if I'm going to hell anyways, at least I want to celebrate my life as long as I still have it!"


AND I did not forget about my own little baking challenge. 
Though irregular, I HAVE, in fact, been baking a lot.
An apple pie for my mom here, a few cupcakes and muffins there...
Take a look! 


Last but not least there's an OOTD from last week when I had a day off~
Went enjoying the sun a bit :3